Grandparenting is more than just handing out cookies or slipping a few bills into birthday cards. Today, it’s an active, emotional role that impacts your grandchild’s development, the parents’ wellbeing, and the strength of your entire grandparent family. And research backs this up, Boston College found that strong grandparent-grandchild relationships reduce depression and increase emotional well-being for both generations.
Parenting today comes with more pressure, distractions, and stress than it used to, your presence, support, and consistency offer the kind of grounding kids and parents both need. So if you’ve ever wondered how to be a good grandparent, this guide walks you through 15 meaningful, everyday ways to show up, not perfectly, but in ways that truly count.
1. Respect the Parents’ Rules, Even When You Disagree
One of the biggest lessons in grandparenting is knowing your place in the parenting chain. It’s not about control; it’s about trust. Your adult children are doing their best with the information they have, even if their choices look different from how you raised your kids.
If they ask you to avoid sugary snacks or limit screen time, take that seriously. Following their lead shows respect and helps you become a safe, welcome part of the grandparent family dynamic. When parents feel heard and supported, they’re more likely to involve you deeply in your grandchild’s life.
2. Don’t Compete with the Parents, Support Them
Being a grandparent doesn’t mean competing for affection or authority. You’re not there to outshine the parents or do things “your way.” Instead, aim to reinforce what the parents are trying to teach. If the parents are working on bedtime routines, back them up, not override them.
This kind of support creates a united front that benefits your grandchild. When they see consistency between parents and grandparents, they feel secure. You’ll also earn the trust of your adult children, which makes grandparenting smoother and more fulfilling for everyone.
3. Show Up Consistently, Beyond the Special Occasions
Anyone can make a big splash at a birthday party. But real connection is built during the quieter, everyday moments. You don’t have to live next door to be consistent, weekly phone calls, monthly visits, or even a video chat can go a long way in strengthening the relationship.
When you show up regularly, you send a clear message: “I’m here for you, always.” That’s one of the most underrated grandparenting tips, consistency is love in action. Over time, those small moments build into lasting memories and trust.
4. Ask More Questions Than You Give Advice
It’s easy to slip into lecture mode, especially when you see a teachable moment. But being a grandparent isn’t about always having the right answer. Sometimes, what your grandchild needs most is a safe place to talk without being corrected.
Instead of offering advice right away, ask questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think you’ll do next?” This builds emotional intelligence and shows that you trust them to think for themselves. It also keeps the door open for deeper, more meaningful conversations later on.
5. Build Your Own Traditions with Each Grandchild
Family traditions don’t have to be elaborate or old-fashioned. You can start small, a monthly pancake morning, a silly nickname only you use, or a favorite game you always play together. These mini-traditions give your grandchild something to look forward to and make your bond unique.
In a busy world, these routines stand out as stable, joyful memories. They also strengthen your identity within the grandparent family, giving each child their own special version of you. And that’s the kind of emotional glue that lasts.
6. Stay Open to the World They Live In
Let’s be real, you may not care about Minecraft, anime, or the latest viral dance. But your grandchild does. And showing interest in their world shows interest in them. One of the best grandparenting tips is to stay curious, not critical.
Ask them to show you their favorite app or explain a trend. Let them teach you. This not only builds respect but keeps the generational gap from becoming a barrier. When you engage with their reality, you stay relevant in their lives.
7. Keep Your Opinions in Check, Unless You’re Asked
If your first instinct is to say, “Well, when I was your age…,” take a breath. Every generation faces different challenges. And while your experience matters, your grandchild may just need empathy, not a history lesson.
Save your opinions for when they’re asked. Instead, ask how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking. You can offer insight gently, without turning the moment into a lecture. This approach is key when learning how to be a good grandparent; you become a guide, not a judge.
8. Say Yes to the Messy Parts
Kids have meltdowns. Teenagers pull away. Young adults make mistakes. Don’t just show up for the highlight reel. Being a grandparent means being there for the hard stuff too. When your grandchild sees that you can handle their messiness without flinching, they feel safe.
Even a quiet “I’m here if you want to talk” or just sitting beside them during a tough moment makes a difference. Grandkids don’t need you to fix everything, they need to know you won’t run away when things get hard.
9. Avoid Spoiling, Choose Meaningful Generosity
It’s easy to show love with gifts, especially when you feel out of the loop. But going overboard with toys or treats can cause friction with parents and confuse your grandchild. A better approach is giving gifts that nurture who they are.
Think books about topics they love, a handwritten note, or experiences you can share together. These gifts show that you’re paying attention, not just spending money. In the long run, that’s the kind of grandparenting your grandchild will remember.
10. Learn Something New Together
Joint learning is underrated in grandparenting. Whether it’s baking bread, planting herbs, or watching nature documentaries, discovering something together builds a shared experience that’s equal parts fun and bonding.
Plus, it flips the power dynamic. Instead of always being the expert, you become a learner alongside your grandchild. That humility teaches them that it’s okay to try, fail, and grow, together.
11. Talk About Your Childhood, But Don’t Romanticize It
Your childhood stories can be a goldmine. But there’s a fine line between sharing and preaching. Don’t romanticize “the good old days” or use them to make your grandchild feel guilty or soft.
Instead, talk about moments where you learned something, made a mistake, or overcame fear. These real, vulnerable stories help your grandchild see you as a full person, not just a wise adult. That openness deepens the emotional core of your grandparent family connection.
12. Be Tech-Friendly, Even If It’s Not Your Thing
Technology doesn’t have to be your favorite thing, but it’s often the easiest way to stay connected, especially if your grandkids live far away. A short video call, funny meme, or voice message can make them feel remembered.
Take the time to learn the basics. Ask for help if needed. When you make the effort to meet them where they are, even digitally, it reinforces the idea that being a grandparent means staying engaged, not fading into the background.
13. Support the Whole Family, Not Just the Kids
Sometimes, how to be a good grandparent starts with helping the parents. Raising kids is exhausting, and a supportive grandparent can make a real difference. Whether it’s offering a break, running an errand, or just listening, your help can ease the stress.
When parents feel supported, they’re more likely to let you in. And your grandchild gets to grow up in a home that feels less strained. That’s a win for the entire grandparent family structure.
14. Respect Your Grandkids’ Boundaries, Too
Some kids are naturally affectionate. Others need more space. Instead of forcing hugs or demanding attention, tune in to what makes your grandchild comfortable. Respect their cues.
This doesn’t mean backing off, it means meeting them on their terms. And that builds emotional safety, which is a key part of any lasting grandparenting relationship. When they feel safe with you, they’ll come closer over time.
15. Be the Safe Place They Can Always Come Back To
At the heart of it all, grandparenting is about being the calm, steady presence your grandkids know they can count on. Life is noisy and fast. Kids face pressures you didn’t at their age. Your home, your voice, your energy, it can be the sanctuary they return to.
You don’t need all the answers. You just need to be there, without judgment, with an open heart. That’s what being a grandparent really means: not just showing up, but staying steady, season after season.
Good Grandparents Don’t Have to Be Perfect, They’re Present
There’s no perfect formula for how to be a good grandparent, but presence, humility, and emotional availability go a long way. Don’t focus on being impressive, focus on being consistent. Whether you’re close by or far away, whether you’re hands-on or more in the background, your role matters.
The little moments add up. So lean into them. Ask questions. Stay curious. Respect everyone’s role in the family, including your own. Because when it comes down to it, grandparenting isn’t about giving advice or stuff, it’s about giving love that sticks.